The Quintessential Festival Survival Guide

With Download Festival 2014 kicking off this Friday, the world-renowned UK festival season is fast approaching and this year- as does every other- will see a whole new generation of first-time festival-goers make their debut.

Up until this time last year, I was a festival virgin. As much as I was excited (I mean hell yeah I was missing school for a week!), I was also nervous. I’d never even been camping before and everything I’d heard about festivals before was pretty grim. Unfortunately I can’t make it to Download this year as I have my final A2 level exams, but next time around I know which mistakes not to repeat offend from last year! If you're making your first festival visit this year, hopefully this short guide should help you out a bit.

1) Put your tent up before you go

Seriously. Practice putting your tent up at least a week before you go. You've got to sleep in this thing for three nights or so, and when you put it up for for real you're probably going to have already had quite a few drinks and it's only going to be even more difficult if you have no fucking idea what you're doing. This way, you'll at least have some experience, which will help you to avoid arguments/begging your mates to let you squeeze in their tent. You'll also have a rough idea of how many people will be able to actually sleep in it (3 man does not mean 3 man when you have to accomodate Budweiser!)

2) Bring something comfy to sleep on

While not essential, it's a really good idea to invest in a cheap air bed or roll-up foam mattress from Ikea. Even if your tent keeps you warm and dry, there is literally nothing between you and the hard, uneven ground beneath you which can result in some pretty weird cramps. Last year I ended up turning all of my clothes into a mattress to try and avoid it and it still sucked. 

3) Toilet roll

Bringing toilet roll to a festival should really be second nature, yet there's always that one person in your group who forgets to bring any and ends up "borrowing" half of yours. Make sure you bring plenty, as you will need it. Nine times out of ten there will be no loo roll in the toilet, and if there is it's probably about as hygienic as using the loo roll in the toilet itself. Remember it's not just for the campsite too! Also take some in your pockets when you to go the arena!

4) Hand sanitiser

Again, this should be second nature. Whilst people do exaggerate how disgusting festival toilets are, they are still pretty fucking atrocious. There will be running water taps provided on camp, but this will do nothing in terms of germs, and you really don't want to be shovelling those extra greasy chips into your mouth alongside whatever the fuck you picked up from that toilet door.

5) Wet wipes

Stock up on these bad boys- they saved my life last year. You can't exactly bathe your entire body with them, but they're essential for the nasty bits (you know where I mean)! Being realistic, you really don't need to have a shower at a festival. It's either going to rain in which case the job is done, or it'll be so hot and sweaty you'll end up queueing for hours and missing that one band you really wanted to see. Besides, festival showers are shit anyway and the lack of them just makes you appreciate a proper shower once you return home. Wet wipes are also a pretty good alternative if you lose your hand sanitiser, and good for cleaning mud off of everything.

6) Forget fashion

In recent years it seems "festival season" has become somewhat of a fashion trend which consists of mostly florals and hot pants. But ladies, a muddy field full of shit is not a catwalk. Any regular festival goer will tell you it's important to bring appropriate clothing for all weather, and don't forget the essentials- that is, wellies, sunglasses and a hat, since your hair's probably going to look pretty minging. 

7) Dry shampoo

Another life saver. Your hair is going to be grimey. Particularly if it doesn't rain (fingers crossed though right?). Make sure you bring some as it's much easier and lighter to carry than actual shampoo and conditioner.

8) Keep your valuables on you at all times

It sucks to think that some of the lovely, drunk, generous people you meet at festivals could be potential criminals, but unfortunately tents do get raided. Whilst most people are probably only after a lighter or loo roll, they wouldn't say no to an iPhone if they just happened to find one. Make sure you keep your phones/cameras/purses on you at all times. It's actually a good idea to buy a cheap pay-as-you-go phone and just leave your smart phone at home (the battery will last a lot longer too).

9) Don't keep all your money in the same place

That being said, don't take all of your money to the arena with you. Make sure to take plenty of cash, but leave some hidden in different places in your tent. That was if some falls out your pocket, or your tent does get raided, you're not completely screwed.

10) Plan who you're going to see before you go

With so many stages and so many bands playing, its easy to get confused. Get together with your friends before you leave, and plan who's going to see who on what stage at what time on what day. Remember you're probably going to be drunk for 99% of the time, and remember how difficult it is to get everyone to agree on things and get to the same place in one piece whilst under the influence. Most festivals now also have apps which you can use to help plan out your days.

11) BOOZE

Bring beer, vodka, whiskey... whatever takes your fancy. Unless you're underage. Or straight edge. 

12) Snacks

The prices of food at festivals are extortionate. Last year I paid £10 for a slice of pizza, God knows how much they'll be this time around. It's pretty much guaranteed that you will run out of money, so make sure to bring plenty of light-weight snacks. Multipacks of crisps are great.

13) HAVE FUN

This is by far the most important thing. A festival in the UK really is a unique experience, and there's a very good reason why people continue to go year after year. Even if you do forget things or everything doesn't go according to plan, don't dwell on it and just make sure you have the time of your life with great people seeing great bands.